For Crying Out Loud

I very rarely see the Oprah show. My mother, on the other hand, watches it frequently. She called me the other day to tell me about a show featuring an Australian woman, Priscilla Dunstan, who has discovered that all babies have a unique language. Priscilla claims there are five basic cries that all babies are born using. After about the fourth month, however, they start to lose the usage of these "words" if they weren't responded to according to the type of cry.

One of these cries is a "heh" sound. The translation is pain or discomfort. So the morning after my mom told me about the baby language, I was surprised to notice my son making the "heh" sound. I changed his diaper. It didn't stop. I tried moving him around, rocking him, checking his gums to see if he was acting sensitive to teething pain - but I couldn't figure out what, if anything, was making him uncomfortable. That's when I noticed his forhead was too warm.

He had a fever! It was not a severe fever, but certainly enough to make him uncomfortable. I do think it was due to teething, but I was surprised how easily I was able to decipher the meaning of his cry.

Right at this moment, my son is asleep on my lap and I'm doing a terrible job of typing with one hand. He had started to make the cry that is described as the "tired" cry. Amazing, it really sounded like she said. I didn't have to wonder if he was having other issues. I just went straight to rocking him, and it knocked him out. Subsequently, I'll have to fix a lot of typing when I'm done, but he is peacefully sleeping.

I found a small clip of the Oprah show featuring Priscilla Dunstan on www.oprah.com. It shows babies crying, using those five key sounds. It's just amazing. There's also a website at www.dunstanbaby.com, and there will be a DVD out soon.

My son is 5 1/2 months old now, so he has lost some of the clarity to these baby sounds, but if your baby is younger, this could be very useful. All it takes is a visit to Oprah's website and a peek at that video clip, and you'll be convinced.

(The clip to look for is "Baby Talk".)

Telecommuting Mommies IV (or When Others Think it's Easy)

It never fails. You're out to dinner with friends, and someone leans over the table and whispers, "Wish I could work at home too! I could use some peace and quiet." Or they say they'd work on their tan. Or their shopping techniques. You probably fall into one of two camps. You either white-knuckle the tablecloth, grin, and say, "Yes, it certainly is the life." Or you have a prepared rant that takes up the rest of dinner, silencing your friends, and putting a kibosh on anyone ordering dessert. Could there be a middle ground to these responses? After all, you know you work harder than you ever have in your life. You should receive a standing ovation when you walk into a room. People should offer to give you their seat, insisting you must be exhausted and "would you like a second glass of Chablis?"

But the reality is, few are sympathetic to our plight. So how do we make the world realize how heroic we are? Should we just go ahead and toot our own horns? This is not an easy question to answer. I've struggled with it since the day I announced I'd be working from home. When someone makes a remark that implies your situation is easy, it's not worth it to your blood pressure to say absolutely nothing. For those who have simply thrown out an innocent comment, just smile and say you've never worked harder in your life, but the rewards are great. There's nothing wrong in letting someone know you're a hard worker, a real tough cookie. But then leave it at that. If they're interested, they'll ask more and you can give them more insight. After all, you never know when you might be talking to a future work-at-home parent.

When it hits closer to home, it's a more sensitive situation. If a family member thinks you're loaded with free time now that you're home, you might be tempted to lay into them, or at least get a good amount of complaining in. Who wouldn't? It's hard when a parent or possibly your spouse doesn't understand you actually have less free time than when you worked on location. Still, complaining only has a way of shutting the ears of the ones who probably need to hear it most of all. The best solution here would be honest communication. Try having a heart-to-heart without it coming across as a venting of your grievances. You may be surprised to find they really do know you're working hard, but they just haven't expressed it to you. (Feel free here to ask them for extra compliments. A once-a-day plan is always nice.)

In the end, the only opinion that matters is your own. You know you work hard, so pat yourself on the back, raise that glass of Chablis, and know that someday those kids will thank you. And most importantly, you'll have all the memories of being there for their first words, first steps, and first day of school. Now, who would give that up? Certainly not you!

The Telecommuting Mommy - Part III (or Calgon, Take Me Away!)

And here is a picture of me dwelling in my life of leisure after a long hard day of shopping, cha-cha lessons, and - oh, wait. That's in my dreams. My real life is that of the telecommuting mommy.

Telecommuting moms have one really big hurdle - when do we have time to ourselves? Although a whole hour devoted to whatever our hearts' desire is something rare, snagging a few minutes here and there throughout the day may be just the ticket to turn us into mellow mommies. Here are a few ideas to choose from when diaper changes and conference calls get you down:

Look out the window a moment. What do you see? That, my dear, is the outdoors. I know, you hardly ever get out. Well, what are you waiting for? Drop that computer mouse and go sit out there for five minutes, maybe ten. If your kids are old enough to be running around out there, run with them. If your tot is tiny, bundle the baby according to the weather and just sit and enjoy the view. Five minutes may not sound like a lot, but those UV rays will work their magic. If you live in the frigid North, the fresh air will perk you up and give you a new view of things. Weather too inclement? Not a problem. Just prop that door or window open and breathe. Don't forget - it's for five whole minutes.

Take a hobby break. Don't have one? Get one - quick. Hobbies can actually lower your blood pressure a few notches. Make sure you pick something that isn't going to require large lots of time. Heaven knows we don't have that, and you don't want to frustrate yourself by not being able to get to that favorite pastime. Maybe you like to read. Keep the book nearby for a five-minute reading break. If you knit, crochet, or sew, these are very handy hobbies. Just think - after several little breaks, you get yourself a scarf or a potholder. (Or if you're as good a knitter as I am, you'll have half a scarf or a baby hat that won't fit any baby head you've ever seen.)

The last and best of all is to take a kid break. I know, I keep finding ways of sneaking this one into my blog posts lately, but these are the moments that remind us of why we're doing all this in the first place. Hug and kiss those kids, cuddle them, tickle them, take a good look at their little faces. If that doesn't give you a charge and a fresh burst of energy, I can't imagine what else will!

The Telecommuting Mommy - Part II (or What's for Dinner?)

It's 4:30. You've just put in a hectic day of computer work, the baby is teething, and everyone's hungry! Order a pizza? Chinese takeout? These options get old very quickly, and let's face it - as busy as you are, you need energizing food to get you through. It's always best to have healthy, whole foods, but cooking them takes too much time, right? It doesn't have to. There are options to get you through and have everyone eating better.

One of my favorite tools for cooking while telecommuting is the crockpot. In the morning or right after lunch (depending on whether or not you use high or low heat), you can throw in a nice piece of meat and some vegetables, a few spices, and 4 - 6 hours later, dinner's done! Use a larger portion of meat and vegetables, and baby, you got leftovers for tomorrow. There are lots of great slowcooker cookbooks out there that are loaded with wonderful ideas. No one will tire of slowcooked food!

Whenever you find a recipe that works for you and your family, save it in an easy-to-find spot. I have a recipe box, and in the front are partitions for the days of the week. On the weekend, I take a couple minutes to put recipes into two or three of those slots so I know what's coming and we can plan and have the groceries onhand. Try and pick recipes that will make enough to last you a couple of days. If you only have to cook two or three days a week, it will take a huge load off.

Here's a fun one: Let someone else do it! Try and set aside a day every week for the older kids or dad to take care of dinner. You may be eating pickle sandwiches, but it will be a great learning experience for older children and a night off for you. And don't totally rule out going out to dinner or having something brought in. While eating out on a regular basis can be unhealthy, occasional trips out with the family or just you and your spouse can be a great way of releasing the pressures of the day.

For some great meal ideas, do an online hunt. There are so many great websites that feature easy, healthy recipes. One of my favorites, www.allrecipes.com, is loaded with every conceivable recipe known to man. And of course there's my other blog, www.natureskitchen.blogspot.com. I add a new recipe every day that focuses on ease and health. I've included a link on the sidebar for you.

So when dinnertime rolls around, don't despair. There are ways of feeding the family that can make life easier. The best thing for us telecommuting mommies is simply to plan ahead, so thoughts of "What's for dinner?" aren't taking up valuable space in our already busy minds!

Is There Rest for the Telecommuting Mommy?

For the next few days, I'd like to focus on the life of the telecommuting mommy. It's a decision a surprisingly larger number of us are making. Does it work? Can we make it any easier on ourselves? Or is it everything we'd hoped? We'll take a good look.

I myself am a telecommuting mommy. When I first started, I thought there weren't that many women out there doing what I do. I was dead wrong. There is a growing number of moms all across the country setting up office at home. It's tough; sometimes it seems more than can be handled. We do it because the rewards are many. But can we burn ourselves out? I think the answer to that is a resounding "Yes." It's only too easy to go over the edge and allow ourselves to complete our tasks in a robot-like state, zoned out on lack of sleep and relaxation. After all, the bit of advice to sleep when the baby sleeps goes right out the window when you have the at-home office.

So what do we do? The first and foremost thing is something most of us probably don't feel like doing - getting organized. Getting organized implies a time-consuming process involving lots of boxes and recipe cards. But it doesn't have to be so. Start small. Try a list on the fridge showing Monday through Friday, choosing one household cleaning item to be done after your office work and childcare chores are finished. For instance, vaccuuming on Mondays, clean sinks on Tuesdays, toilets on Wednesdays, etc. Little chunks. Don't cram it all in on one day, and don't try and do it in the midst of diapers and email. My biggest change has been to do laundry only on Saturdays (aside from baby's who seems to need it all the time!) so it doesn't interfere during the week.

When I first started telecommuting, I thought I had to be supermom and I'd try and do all the cleaning on the same day. It never got done, I felt like an exhausted failure, and I'd end up starting the whole thing over again the next day. But by breaking everything down into a schedule, it's no longer overwhelming. I don't have to remember what to do - the list on the fridge does.

The most important thing to remember is this: If it doesn't get done, that's okay. Yes, you heard me right - it's okay! It won't always get done. Let's face it - our schedules are jam packed, more so than if we had chosen to go back to the office and opt for daycare. We're doing double duty here, so it's good to cut ourselves some slack.

Let's take that last bit of advice one step further: For one day a week, leave the little slot on your refrigerator list blank. Don't plan anything. Make it leftover night, let the dust bunnies have a party, and just hang out with your family. Tickle your kids. Watch a dvd with your spouse. Read Dr. Seuss on the livingroom floor with your toddler. After all, isn't that the reason we chose telecommuting in the first place? It's all about being there. Saving some energy will help us to enjoy it.